Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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