We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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