shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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