I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
