so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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