Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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