so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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