Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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