My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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