We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
do nipples grow back?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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