Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
