Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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