This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
North Korea, Best Korea!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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