i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize