I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
