From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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