So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
