she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
