If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
