i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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