you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
