listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
