tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
