Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
