You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
