Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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