If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
