dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
