hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
