Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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