I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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