i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
