i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
how drunk are you?
Several
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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