Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
