We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
