IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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