so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
