what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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