I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
