my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
