last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
