i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
