I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
its liver damage thursday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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