All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize