im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
