It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize