He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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