I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
