Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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