We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
