oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
