..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
