Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
