It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Alive.
So much puke
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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