I hate your face
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
