Me. At least after what I've been through.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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