Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
