Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
