i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
