at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
