Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
