So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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