So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
