your room smells of hookers.
And success
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
