New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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