i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
