The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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