I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize