I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
