so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
