My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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