Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She bit a glass in half.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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