What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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