if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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