there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
