i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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