ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't want my vagina anymore.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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