so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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