spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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