why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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