Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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