so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
