woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
