this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
