Small penises have feelings too.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
