Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
