I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
