they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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