Moan for me like Helen Keller
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
