Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
