A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize