I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
