Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I am available for nakedness
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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