Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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