He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
