i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
