brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize