He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
