she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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