How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
