I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
