i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
