I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I could make wine with my vomit
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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