I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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