I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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