...so i touched it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
