he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
