yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize